I don't really post much except for times where I know this group is the only one who's going to understand what I'm going through. My baby's 5th angelversary is next month. And I just found out her sperm donor (my ex...he never was a father...so I don't call him one).... just got engaged after being with his girlfriend for six months. It immediately brought me to tears....not because I want him...because good God NO! But because I wonder how could he do it? How can he just m ... ove on and pretend she never existed???

My baby was unplanned. He spoke about wanting kids that I was completely floored when his reaction to my news was "how did this happen?" and a scowl on his face. He didn't speak to me but immediately called his exgirlfriend. He didn't feel anything for my baby. Nothing. He would just say "I can't make myself feel something I don't". He had no clue that he wasn't supposed to be urged to love the tiny baby he made. It's supposed to just happen. Then she died. My baby died and there I was with someone who didn't even think of her as a baby...two years later she was still an "almost baby"...or "the closest he ever got to a baby". I went through her death and grieved her loss alone. I gave him a second chance to be a father and grieve her loss but nothing changed. He doesn't even know she's a baby...worth being missed. second marriage wedding dresses

This rocked me to my core!

Realizing who I picked...what I had done to my baby...my sweet innocent baby...broke me. Realizing that I gave her the same kind of "father" I had ....broke a delicate part of my soul. It was my job to give her someone that would love her as much as I do.

And he...just moved on and forgot. I have been the only one trying to remember her. Even after attending one memorial with me and seeing all the other miscarriage dads....how they truly grieved for their BABIES...he still called her an "almost". And I feel like how could he do it?! Just go on like nothing and not feel....anything???? Because that's what it feels like. It feels like he ran so fast away from her and never stopped running. I paused, took time to grieve my baby's loss and all the life she was going to experience. I know her value...her worth...she's PRICELESS!

He's getting the life she didn't get to have. It doesn't feel right to me. Why should someone get to be happy that doesn't even comprehend the value of life????